I got placed for my veterinary assistant internship!

AAAANNNND, it’s 5 minutes from my house. 

WIN. I’m a little disapointed that I won’t be working with my instructor from my classes, but this is still pretty awesome. 

Word of the day is: Overwhelming.

I am currently writing up my resume, which is probably the most overwhelming thing I’ve done in a while. Fuck me. I sincerely hate writing these up. It only further rubs in my face how shitty I feel about all the mistakes I’ve made. The fact that I didn’t go to college, or the fact that i took partying as my top priority. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wont fail to credit myself with the fact that I’m trying to do good with myself now, It just sucks having to explain my past to people. 

What is also incredibly overwhelming is my fear and tremendous guilt over leaving my parents. I do not have young parents. My father is coming on 80, and my mother just turned 63. I know that if anything were to happen to them, I would just have endless guilt that I didn’t get enough time with them, or that I should have been there. On the other hand, I know that my parents want me to be happy. They know that I don’t like living in fairfield county - or Connecticut to begin with. I know that It would make my parents happy, and it’s probably not doing very much good that I am staying here. Keeping my parents company is great and everything, but its not doing anyone any good if I’m not happy.

The idea of moving my life out to California is very appealing. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of my past. I just want to start my life over. I want to meet new people. I want a clean slate. I want to move forward, and I feel like it is hard to do that when I am in a place that just constantly drags me back to my past. I’m not running away from anything. I just want to move on. Being here makes it hard to do that.